CNY just flew by like with the snap of the fingers. However I did manage to celebrate CNY's eve with my family(: which I'm thankful for. Had our yearly teppenyaki earlier so all the cousins would be present and had round 2, the ''proper'' reunion on the eve. It sorta became a ritual for the cousins to have this yearly teppenyaki thing. We'd teppenyaki, then head over to my brother's house to chill, play board games*nerdy I know* and just talk. I guess thats why I'm so close to my cousins.

While everyone was indulging in new year goodies and doing the yearly sowing of red packets*depreciating in quantity and amount*, I was busy dishing out trays and keeping people happy whilst I made my way to auckland. Well, this time round at least I found someone to go bungy jumping with me. HAHA YES! I finally tried to kill myself. Its really different watching people jump off the ledge and jumping off yourself. Note to self when doing next jump: Never look down, and DON'T think, just jump. It worked for me(:

Thats me preparing for the jump, we jumped off harbour bridge from this pod. My friend wanted to touch the water, but I think the guy calculated miscalculated his weight and the tension of the bungy, and sadly my friend didn't manage to soak himself.

I can't sleep and I have only 4hours of sleep left. I feel like such a failure. What was I expecting? I would like to perservere but at the same time throw in the towel and say game over. Why does god play such games with me. Its likeyou see the gates of heaven wide open as you're walking there, all excited you start to walk faster and it becomes a sprint to enter heaven, but just when you reach the foot of the gates, he slams it shut, smacks you right in the face. Lord, why make me open my heart when all you do is expose my weakness and make me look weak, when you know I hate to feel weak and needy? Why give me someone whom I feel so comfortable with, just to take it away farther away, leaving me with giving up or persuing as my only options?

I have had no expectations, I still don't. I have expectations, but it's of myself and no one else.

Does one still continue to dig even when he hits a rock? Does he make himself believe that there's a way around the rock in order to go deeper or does he just smacks the rock so hard the shovel gives out and he walks away. I need to sleep. I need to get past this.

Happy Lunar New Year Peeps

This came off Life! section where pet owners get to post comments and pictures of their lovely home grown. And This one in particular caught my eye:)

Honestly, if a dog could put his 3 balls into his mouth, I wonder what he'd do next. ''He even dabbles in street soccer with the kids from the neighbourhood''?!?!?! Man. Keep your dog away from the kids!

Never felt so crummy about my work before. I want to leave. Can I continue to service stupid ridiculous humans? I might have answered ethusiastically 'yes' before, but now, I'm unsure why, but its eating me up from the inside. Flight back was horrible today, not sure whether if I was distracted or I just don't have the heart for this job anymore. This is a great job, honestly, but personally, I don't know how much long I can brush retardivity*I know its not a word, but you catch my drift* aside. I used to be able to nonchalantly brush stupid people aside, but its getting to me. Its like any more stupid people and I'm close to running them over with a tractor, wringing out their brains, strewn out on the pavement, that with each cut of the blade, they will remember that stupidity kills and how much they regret not thinking before reacting or talking.

I mean I must agree that at time its my bad, and I take responsibility for it. But other times, I mean we're human. I'm sorry if I have so many things on my mind that I have to remind myself of, and the matter slipped my mind. Does TV mean so much to you, brainless TV makes you retarded, makes you shortwired. I'm sorry if people now adays in general have no fucking patience or understanding. It makes me sick, makes me wanna cry for humanity and what the society has done to them.

I feel like I'm sitting on a chair on a cloud, floating,my vision from my key board feel like its miles away from me, my heart is thumping so hard yet calmly, my mind's in a whirl, entertaining the thought that maybe its just me, that I suck at my job. Or is it that I can no longer take it anymore, which is the reason why my mind and body is reacting.I need to find my peace again. I need my yoga. I feel like lying in bed, imagining myself on a faraway island, never to return to this god-help me place.

When I was a young girl I used to seek pleasure
When I was a young girl I used to drink ale
Out of the ale house down into the jail house
My body's salvating and hell is my doom

Come mama come papa and sit you down by me
Come sit you down by me and pity my case
My poor head is achin' my sad heart is breakin'
My body's salvating and hell is my doom

Please send for the preacher to come and pray for me
And send for the doctor to heal all my wounds
My poor head is achin' my sad heart is breakin'
My body's salvating and I'm bound to die

One morning one morning one morning in May
I saw this young lady all wrapped in white linen
All wrapped in white linen and call out the plague
Someone help me.
-Feist

I feel like crying but yet my eyes can't seem to tear. I want to learn how to cry again. Has my heart turned so cold and hard there's no turning back?

Help me. Namaste.