New Year, New Beginnings

Its a New Year, have I become wiser? Has my heart grown stronger? Recent events has got me thinking.

I'm 26 this year and obviously that figure ain't getting smaller and it never will. So many things I have yet accomplished, so many words left unspoken, gaps in my heart left empty. I need to fill the gaps in my life, I can't go on like this.

Somethings are meant to be kept between a you and your other half. What happens when the other half violates that trust and respect? I've tried my very best to forgive and forget, but its not that simple. I don't think about when I don't talk about it, but when I do, it hurts and I get upset. That is not how forgiveness works, so does it mean I have not really forgiven him? I really love this guy but how am I suppose to love someone who freely give out intimate details about you and him? For once in my life, I have no solution for myself. I'm so lost I want to run away and never come back. Don't ask me to talk, cause that's all I've been doing, and he hasn't, which was the whole reason for the unhappiness.

Last semester of school, after that I'm free, but what am I going to do? I want to continue with whatever I started. My yoga, my business, getting my own place.

I'll check in again soon. Tschuss und Auf Wiedersehen.

Wet Wet Bondi

Met Miss Debbie Ong in Sydney after ages! She brought me to Bondi beach, which I assumed would be a FANTASTIC place minus the rain. Damn the weather. Anyway, she brought me to this book cafe, where the entire cafe was stocked with books, and you could order a panini, or a burrito, sit down with a cuppa tea and pick out a book from the floor or the shelves to just sit there and read. It was the kind of place you'd never find in Singapore, and I mean NEVER. Definitely doing back there. :)

I believe in karma, and to accumulate good karma for oneself is by doing good. However, sometimes I feel that it is such an arduous task. I mean dear lord, some people just don't deserve my kindness nor sympathy. I mean doing good has to come from the heart right, but given my line of work, I think I'm accumulating more bad karma than good. People might argue that be giving, to be kind, so overlook one's weakness or shortcoming, that would be the path to enlightenment, so greater karma, to a greater next life. Well, I can't. Sorry, I just can't overlook stupidity, selfishness, moronicism, retardedness and brainlessness. I just can't. I strongly believe in Darwin's theory of evolution.

Darwin's Theory of Evolution - Natural Selection
Natural selection acts to preserve and accumulate minor advantageous genetic mutations. Suppose a member of a species developed a functional advantage (it grew wings and learned to fly). Its offspring would inherit that advantage and pass it on to their offspring. The inferior (disadvantaged) members of the same species would gradually die out, leaving only the superior (advantaged) members of the species. Natural selection is the preservation of a functional advantage that enables a species to compete better in the wild.

Its a simple theory. If you don't get it, don't bother.

Exam Results

Heh Heh, I PASSED my exams...whoopee. I do have to thank god for it though, I mean honestly, I did not attend any lecture for my Investment module and probably a handful for Introduction to Futures and Options. By god's grace, I managed a Cr for Investments and a PA (pass) for IFO. I do have to give credit to my lecturers too, they have definitely helped us tremendously during the semester, always giving us additional notes of theirs, giving us pointers, going through past year questions with us, definitely helped me tons.

I literally smoked my way through investment by trying to convince the marker that I knew what was going on by writing common sense, talking rubbish. I even calculated the way I thought the question should be calculated cause I had NO CLUE whatsoever as to how to do the question. Geez..

So next semester will be my last 3 modules. I promised myself to put in more effort in attending lectures. Hur, but honestly, I hate attending lectures. The gloom of the after-work crowd, the quiet bobbing of heads, why even bother coming for the lecture if you're gonna fall asleep right? To make your money's worth? To not feel bad for skipping a lecture. I hate lectures cause some of the students are really bleah. I mean I had this instance where I just asked if the lecturer gave out other notes the last time, and he/she replied in this really irritating why-are-you-bothering-me tone and said 'yar' and went back to staring at the piece of note which I honestly believe she has no frakking idea what the fuck its talking about. In addition to why I hate going for lectures, I hate trying to find a parking lot and I hate getting out of SIM after the lecture. Hur. With all that said, I still promised myself to attend more lectures.

I'm waiting for my cereal to get home so I can claim my hug. My consolation hug.

It's Fishy Business

I have gone a carbless diet recently. This means that I have totally cut my body out from carbohydrates, in return I consume a whole lot of fish and veggies. This brings me to the topic of this post. BUYING FISH.

I went to a supermarket with those indoor wet-market kind of concepts and decided that I should have steamed fish for my dinner. I stared at the tray filled, ice packed tables of catches of the day and wondered what fish could I recall my mom steaming. I literally had to wreck my brains to remember how the fish looked like on the plate decorated with tomatoes and ginger. Finally I managed to find one I recalled eating since I was a little girl, which was the white pomfret. So I simply chose the one that had the nicest skin. Hur, which turn out to be really fresh! According to my mom.*P.S that ain't the way to choose fish*

Well, the next day I decided to try my luck again, andthis time I thought my luck would come twice and boy was I wrong. I accidentally bought the imitation pomfret according to my mom again. It was uber fishy!!! and when I bought him he was still alive! I had to ask the staff to help me catch him. He was really hardy, didn't want to die dispite smacking him against the wall and slicing him... He still didn't give up after we dressed him up in tomato slices and brown bean paste, he was still pulsating!! Creepy...But he was yummy after he was steamed but left a really fishy after taste.

Today, I went back again, this time with the intention to try a different fish, turns out I bought the pomfret AGAIN by accident, this time I bought the black pomfret, which according to my mom is still in the family of pomfret and is not imitation, but thing is this guy is like the poor relative of a rich empire. I purchased the white pomfret at $6.80 and the imitation at $6.50 and this supposedly same family pomfret was $3.50. My mom followed to explain the price difference was due to the fact that no matter how fresh he is, he can only be fried, cause if you did try to steam him, it would be really stinky. I was like WHAT? He's cheaper cause he isn't tasty when steamed even though he like super tasty when fried????? Jeess...Looks like humans weren't the only species who has to deal with this society problems. Well, he was tasty after my mom fried him.

Thats all so far with regards to my fishy tales... Keep posted on my carbless diet..Its really not easy!

Engrish?

With the recent influx of Ms Ris Low's interview splashed over facebook and other channels, I thought since I'm so butt free today, why not enter a post?

Firstly, I must admit, I did laugh out loud when I first watched her video online, so did my younger brother, my cereal crunched, really hard (he was wincing the moment she opend her mouth to speak, and I left it playing while I left to use the bathroom). That aside, I was laughing till I was almost forming abs, my brother was literally rolling on the bed laughing. I mean 'booms'? 'rat'? and you're not sure what you're studying?

However, the truth is, I wasn't surprised. I mean seriously, were you like lightning struck surprised? Honestly, how many people you know who CAN speak proper english would want to take part in a peagent?My friends, NONE. So I was feeling a tad guilty for laughing at someone's inability to pronounce and speak properly, I decided to read what other people had to say, and I came across this blog, where the blogger tried to provide a different perspective. He mentioned that not everyone in singapore speaks english for starters, that maybe at home, mandarin was her first language. That like some of us, we can't speak mandarin to save our sorry asses, and if she were to be allowed to speak and convey her ideas and thoughts in mandarin, she would have put it across beautifully. For a moment (less than a split second) I actually felt really bad for laughing, but after I thought, we were all taught in english in school weren't we? I'm not saying you have to use flowery words and brain picking quotes, all we ask for are proper sentences, correct pronunciations. NO?

I mean I understand if you say that your parents speak mandarin to you at home, my parents speak to me in teochew and sometimes poorly pronounced english, but it isn't anyone's fault but your's if you choose to speak terrible english. Schools conduct lessons in english for a reason, I'd rather we speak proper english and mandarin then broken english mixed with mandarin, its a lethal hair-raising concoction. I hope you don't get me wrong, I'm a victim of singlish and poor articulation too, however, I'm aware of it and constantly try to correct myself.

So with regards to Ris Low, I DON'T feel bad for laughing at her, AT ALL. If people say that if she was allowed to speak mandarin for the interview she would have aced it, I'd say go be a citizen of the PRC.

Really, imagine if I were from the US or Europe and was watching the interview, my god, I'd think the entire nations speaks this way.

Well, this debate could go on forever I suppose. This is just my 2 cents worth. Everyone's entitled to proper english!

Cherrios!

It's been awhile

When was the last time I actually posted an entry..Gosh, probably before my German course. Anyway, am back in action now, however, after not working for 2months, I sure am rusty. Like lost the rhythm and the groove to work. The other day when I worked the long sectors, I almost died on flight. HA. But all is good!

Well, over the short span of just 3 days, I have come to realize that I need to become a stronger person, to be reliant free of weak emotions and feeling. Emotions and feelings that would cost me things that I hold dear, but at the same time, I have promised myself, that never again, would I let myself be affected by the way people speak. I hate myself for reading too much into people's tone when they talk to me, cause it gets to me if I think they sound as if they're irritated or distant. I hate it, but I guess I've come to a point where I'm just not gonna give a FUCK. Don't know and Don't Bother unless someone bothers. That my new policy to keep myself protected.

In addition, I have set up a few goals of my own and I must materialize these goals. I cannot afford crap feelings and emotions to fuck me over. I need to get a hold on my emotions in order to succeed!

Something I've come to realise over the years of driving is that the typical Singaporean driver is really one HUGE MOTHER FUCKER.

Was driving to serangoon gardens for my dinner when along the way there was a dual lane road where the lane on the left was straight and left and the one on the right was straight and right, so definitely the oncoming traffic from the opposite should not form up into the lane which was going straight on my side, but this 1 STUPID mother fucker did just that and when I wanted to coninue going straight after the car infornt of me had turned right, I couldn't cause of this fucker who was in my fucking lane, so I had to keep left*knowing our drivers, no one wanted to give way* then keep right again. I really wanted to drive straight into her car and kill her right there on the spot.

I have had it with getting pissed off with Singapore's fucked up drivers, that resulting with me using my horn more then the number of times a guy thinks about sex in a day. So what I did to humour myself was just to lift my hand high enough to and tap on my steering wheel. The lady driver who was in my lane, once she saw me lift my hand, didn't even give me chance to finish the motion, made this huge kung-fu I'm gonna fight you karate chop action with her hands. She looked really RIDICULOUS and I couldn't help but laugh right in her face. This is how I tackle stupid morons nowadays if they wanna give me hand gestures of sorts, I just laugh and make them feel like an total imbecile of course followed by the sweet serenade of the horns special K bought for my car :)Really considering his suggestion of putting another 2 more, blow the soul out of the fuckers.

I think its just the stupid Singaporean kultur that everyone has so willingly absorbed, the kiasuism, the kiasism. What culture? We have NEIN NULL ZILCH ZERO culture, why? Because all Singapore has been taught and teaching is to be selfish, arrogant and ugly. All these people have their eyes covered with the merlion's spit that they don't even know that the merlion ISN'T EVEN real to begin with. GOD! Honestly, how I wished I could carry a shot gun or a AK with me when I take the bus, then I could shoot every annoying PAIN IN THE FUCKING ARSE.

In addition, I can't wait for my GQ class to end so I don't have to take public transport any longer.

I wanna run away from this place and never come back.ARGH!!!!!