I thought I was gonna be happy, I guess I was for a night, am still, but I thought it was gonna be better. Does love last for a night only? Cause if it does, I'm in trouble, I want to love and be loved, but not for a night. Its so heart gripping when you want to love someone but that person doesn't let you. Why does god do this to me? Maybe he wants me to learn that its so easy to love someone, but not as easy to unlove someone. It was rather easy to unlove someone, but not in this situation.

To me, I felt like it was right between us, he always makes my heart smile. But I could be wrong. Maybe its only me who feels its right, maybe he doesn't. Probably he isn't ready to go out wth someone so much younger. I am not wild, I not not grounded. I want what everybody wants, a simple and a life filled with love. Is that too much to ask? I want to spend my life with someone, I want to love that someone forever. I promise to love that person I love for the rest of my life. I don't wanna waste time finding and developing another relationship with the same set of insecurities. I am contented with the present and I think he's the best. Oh well, then again, if things aren't meant to be, no point forcing. I guess I'll just have to let thing happen by themselves. If at the end of the day, we don't end up together, I'll cry, grip my heart and then tell myself that we're not meant to be. but FUCK man, I always believed that what happens most of the time is what we do to make it happen, not let nature determine.

Fuck, I'm going crazy even talking about it. I ust gonna take this trip to dubai to let things work out by themselves, and see what happens. No mood to smile when my heart's not smiling.